The Dance Of Fear

We all know how fear can manifest itself.   I would like to explain how fear can cause a marriage to end up in a perpetual loop.

As a marriage counselor, I see the workings of “the fear dance” on a regular basis.  Man and women get married.  One or both of the individuals in the marriage have unresolved triggers.  One or both are not aware of how these emotional, relational triggers are manifesting themselves.  And before we can say, “Its over”, the fear dance defines the marriage.   And sadly two people truly believe the other has been their #1 enemy.

Christian counselors often look at marriage and the powerful emotion of fear.  However, I really like the simple explanation of a marital, fear dance.  Here is how it can work:    One spouse’s core pain is stepped on………….that spouse REACTS to the hurtful trigger.     The other spouse gets a dose of the harmful reaction and this steps on his/her core pain……and then that spouse REACTS to the trigger and touches the other’s core, unresolved pain.  And round and round we go.  This pattern comes into Christian counseling offices regularly.  We as Christian, marriage therapists need to be aware of this cycle.   Then we can explain the pattern to the married couple and work to get off this dangerous and very destructive merry-go-round!